TOOLS FOR LIFE # 11

Being Contrary


If we wish to build trust, we must allow ourselves to be contrary, indecisive and vulnerable. To be able to change our minds…and to not only be OK with it, but to embrace it; to laugh, light-heartedly and respectfully with ourself. To be OK with not being perfect in others’ eyes, with not ‘being right’, and instead, revel in the joy of our inquisitiveness.

We must open from a fixed mindset, to one of growth and inclusion. It’s not the choices themselves we must trust, must get right at all cost, but our ability to trust our-self in each moment which matters most. Because each moment has the potential to be different...that’s how life is.

Despite our best efforts we cannot control what is happening out there. And truthfully, why would we want to? It’s an exhausting thought. Nor can we control the outcome of our choices. To believe so is delusional; which most of us are.

This need to ‘get it right’ creates a backfiring into our being: by limiting the choices and outlooks available. Slowly but steadily, life becomes narrower as our desire to prove our worth subdues our passion and vitality.

Instead, embrace the freedom and expansiveness of not knowing…of being misunderstood, uncertain, confused and inconsistent – it doesn’t change who you are. Adopt different viewpoints, explore what it might be like to think differently, to change our minds, to be OK with not knowing…to not have a thought. Release the need to have trust and instead be it in each moment. You will become a much more interesting person as a result.

TOOLS FOR LIFE # 10

BUILDING TRUST

We cultivate trust by listening. And the first place to listen, is to our-self. Not just to our minds, but down into our bodies. This journey into our bodies can be challenging for some, and a relief and deep pleasure for others. Either way, it is the way to go. Always.

We do this by allowing our-self to be with our thoughts. Just to be alongside them, accepting them as they are. Don’t look for answers, try to fix anything or need an outcome. You may wish to develop an outlet for the thoughts, such as a journal, or perhaps some gentle movement with no agenda. What is important, is to just be, with yourself, for some moments each day. Stillness and quiet time. Keep it small and regular. One minute even, daily. Consistency is the most important element when building trust. Your body and mind need to believe you will be there for them.

As you develop a rhythm, your psyche will relax and begin to trust you, knowing that each day it will be heard. This is how we develop self-trust.


N.B. I can’t emphasise enough how important this time with yourself is. Regular, consistent moments to listen and be with who you are. Wonderful!


“My direction is ever inward, where guidance awaits me.” – Anon

This quote, given to me by a dear and gifted friend early in my spiritual awakening, was my mantra for 4 years. If it resonates, let it be yours.


TOOLS FOR LIFE # 9

CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF

What Does Your Body Think About That?

Our minds are just one aspect of our body – we have so much more to us than our conscious thought process. Most of our thoughts are subconscious, with the body operating ‘silently’ and without direct order. We breathe, digest, flush waste; our hearts beat, we regulate our temperature, create hormones…the list is endless. Within these ‘actions’ are held beliefs. A blueprint runs the show – and we own the blueprint…are guardians of our physical body.

Within our body we also store emotions and thoughts. In the work I do with clients, we often tune into an aspect of their body; it’s fascinating the information a breast, or knee, or hip for instance might hold. And with the release comes a physical ease.

Generally our bodies are wiser than our minds; they hold deeper truth and insight. Memories, once suppressed, reveal perspectives which cast greater information than any book or teaching can. We always know what’s ‘real’ for us – we just have to trust it.

The mind, the thinking ego aspect of us, has great value…but it can get in the way. When we want to truly know how we feel, we must ask our body, not our head. As I say to my clients: “chop your head off and listen from the neck down.”

Listening to our bodies when we are healing from illness or discomfort is particularly important. By tuning into the source as opposed to the symptom, we can hear the beliefs fuelling the expression. The body knows what it is doing: creating homeostasis within the context of itself. We must support it, dropping to ‘its’ pace and requirements; meeting its needs. It is in the neutrality that it heals. As it lets go, ‘it’ begins to trust ‘us’ – the operator and vision holder. We begin dialogue.

This ‘open-exchange’ is vital no matter our level of wellbeing. An illness is a manifestation of energy and we need to keep the channels open. Allow your body to guide you to the source of any discomfort – physical, mental or emotional. You will be surprised at the capacity we hold.

TOOLS FOR LIFE # 8

Hand on Heart


At any moment of the day, whenever you feel uncertain or in need of some reassurance, place your left hand on your heart and ask it:

“What do I need to know right now?”

Listen…and trust the answer. You don’t have to action the wisdom if you don’t wish to, but allow yourself to trust it. There is great power in this.


It takes just 3 minutes to move from fight or flight and stress mode, into rest and restore mode. Listen to your heart through your left hand (the hand of receiving and nurturing) and enjoy breathing into and around your heart area. The heart-energy can be felt best from the centre of your chest; whilst physically it may be to the left, it’s energy radiates from the centre. Allow the attention from your head to drop down, freeing space for the listening as you breathe deeper into your tummy to support the experience.

TOOLS FOR LIFE # 7

THE TRANSITION

Are you wishing to ‘not die’ …or are you wishing to live?

However you interpret this question, it’s a thought we come to at some point in our life. Sometimes our moment of realisation is gradual, of many little moments, and sometimes it is sudden. My introduction to myself was a physical one, via cancer. Yours will most likely be different. It may be a niggling feeling which will not go away, despite best efforts; or it may be emotionally induced. It can have no reason and, as the saying goes, be ‘the straw which broke the camel’s back’. However it happens, welcome to yourself. It’s a wild adventure and one which requires bucket loads of bravery, self-compassion…and utmost trust. It’s the transition.

The transition is the point of decision to undertake the journey; to begin with the end in mind – to create an outcome – without knowing where that will be or what it will look like. It’s the all-in. And you may, without realising, already be in it.

When we transition, we enter a liminal space of untold time and depth, living and moving in the unknown. It’s the ‘answering the call’ and seeing that the picture is bigger than the immediate experience. It’s entering the flow of what life has in store for us. And it epitomises trust.

When such a shift happens, everything changes. It’s a journey, as we slowly but steadily transmute our emotions and energies. Gradually, and perhaps suddenly for some, we lose our tightly held identity as we discover what wishes to come through. We emerge from within ourselves. We become someone we wish to be with, as opposed to being someone we think others want to be with. We find a new rhythm. And we discover that what needs to stay, stays. We discover our truth.

When we look at things differently, they become different. This is what we explore and experience in the liminal space of transition. We master our ability to self-create and to adapt. We become resourceful and eager; seeing depth, not seeking distance. We learn how to let go because we learn who we are. We discover our spirit.

So the question is: “Are you willing TO LIVE, no matter what it takes?”

Be your own hero. Inspire yourself.

TOOLS FOR LIFE #6

QUESTION YOUR BELIEFS

‘If your beliefs don’t help you, change your beliefs.’

Recognising and understanding our beliefs is paramount to our wellbeing. Not only our physical wellbeing, but our happiness and emotional appreciation of life.

Our beliefs influence all subconscious thought and action - and are often assumed. Rarely, do we identify or connect with our true inner beliefs. We ‘think’ we believe something, when, following a little digging and self-enquiry, we can find a quite different supporting belief influencing, or in conflict with, our daily actions.

Beliefs are thoughts and feelings in manifest. A repetitive thought, often the influence of another person or collective – whether that be our immediate family, co-workers, friends, religion or other…including even, our ego-mind – becomes a belief. Beliefs and thoughts are not fact, and feelings are temporary, though we tend to adapt ourselves and our lives around them. On a subconscious level, this creates a split within us as our truth is pushed to one side.

Because thoughts and feelings change, we can tend to create - and hang on to - old beliefs, in the ‘belief’ it will create stability, and as a form of control. This disparity, between what we are experiencing, and our held belief, creates inner discord which becomes reflected in our external reality. We can become ‘stuck’ and experience feelings of separation and isolation. We cannot stop change (all is in perpetual motion and possibility) and have to learn to adapt with it rather than against it. We must create the very trust needed to let go and trust life to be as it needs to be. We learn to flow.

One way of doing this, is by updating, pruning and expanding our beliefs. Regularly and rigorously. It would be wise to care for our beliefs as we do our teeth. Conflicting beliefs require special attention as they create more confusion and discord than ‘negative’ ones. We will often hold a belief such as ‘I’m not worthy/good enough/OK’ alongside the equally powerful belief of ‘I am worthy/good enough/OK’. The drama and discord – the inability to action our dreams and desires – resides between the two. It’s a very uncomfortable place to be.

We can also harbour limiting beliefs; an example might be ‘that’s too much,’ ‘I’m not clever enough’ or ‘I can’t cook’. In the case of such statements, which might seem innocuous enough, it’s the effect the limiting belief has on us which creates the subconscious distress. We are not being honest or authentic with ourselves, dismissing our truth and potential – purely through ignorance of the deeper belief or desired intention. Not one, of the preceding three statements can be considered ‘fact’ but we distend our psyche around such untruths, thus impacting our self-trust.

Identifying beliefs can seem frightening, so we tend to leave it until ‘disaster’ strikes or we can no longer continue as we are. Sometimes, life happens to us in dramatic – or subtle – ways which can without warning turn a core foundational belief on its head. In the blink of an eye, we see the whole world differently. And what may seem like a breakdown, can be a breakthrough – an illumination to our truth.

The key word with beliefs is clarity. Little and often. If we update and tend to our beliefs as frequently as we do our mobile phone software, we would be much more optimised. We can find ourself running on old software…beliefs we may have had 5, 10, 15 or more years ago. Even yesterday’s belief can be outdated. It’s important to realise we don’t necessarily need to do anything with the belief but to be aware of it. To realise ‘it’ is not who we are, to allow it to be. This invites us to reframe the thought to one which is more truthful and more supportive for this moment or stage of our life. ‘I’m not clever enough’ might, for instance, become ‘I would like to learn a little more first’ or ‘I would prefer to do such-and-such’ or ‘I would love to, would you show me how?’ Once acknowledged, a belief reveals many hidden wishes.

Over time, beliefs recede completely as moment to moment awareness takes precedence. As we honour ourselves, as we create new levels of trust through the exploration and dissemination of our thought-held forms, an openness, willingness and new-found ability to choose and let go emerge. We don’t need to know what we think because we move beyond thinking. We become autonomous, aligned to the belief of trust itself.


A practice to regularly update your beliefs is to adopt 1 belief at a time - and to explore it. Use pen and paper, and work on updating or re-framing it. Take your time with it if you wish - perhaps 1 belief a week, or for however long it takes - and enjoy the process. See it as expansion of your being and purpose. As you gain the increased alignment, follow through with updated language (verbal and inner words) so your belief becomes your action.

GROUNDING - stage 2

The decision to surrender to ourselves is an act of intense kindness, vulnerability and transgression.

In this simplest of acts we become at one with ourself and all that is. We recognise a sense of belonging and rapture. We arrive home, and into direct presence.

Whenever you have such a moment, however fleeting, grasp it with all your senses. Anchor it into your cells and allow the essence of who you are to expand to include the ground you walk upon.

Your heart and soul will adore you for it.

Grounding happens in many ways. The thought of grounding is a simple step we can take towards a fuller life. Many think of ‘being trapped’ when grounding, but in fact we become freer, of higher vibration – able to do, observe and experience more. It’s not less, but an opening to greater ability. We experience to the degree we can observe and be.

Stage 2 of grounding is to adopt a grounded lifestyle and approach. Do all you do, but with the inclusion of your divine place on earth – on this planet of ours. And when the special moments come, grasp them and know them as truth. We are what we repeatedly do. And remember…always hold it lightly.


TOOLS FOR LIFE #5

TIPPING INTO SAFETY

Within all we do, we move gently to and from safety and challenge. Sometimes, the two will collide – and this is when we can have our most powerful experiences.

Aiming to always feel safe can dramatically reduce tension and static stress in the body. What will change, will be our perception of what is safe. One day work or a relationship may feel safe, the next it may not. What is changing, is not the other person or event, but your perception of what is now, truly, safe. Notice it, and if appropriate, hold it lightly.

As the days go by and as the awareness grows, notice the presence of challenge. This will also have changed in your perception. Allow yourself to feel and notice differently. In these fast-paced energies it is becoming natural to change psyche-wise, and intelligence and awareness-wise, rapidly. Keep to what feels safe and honour this. Take your heart, gut and soul’s advice. Consult your head, and gently adjust your response and action.

Safety will never lead us astray, but it will change. Follow your feet (they too will never lead you astray), and as the podcast advises: ask your heart and soul ‘how they know safety?’ Not in the past, not in the future, but right now. Let it be your guidance.

For further information on moving forward and gaining clarity, see Tools for Life

Podcast: “How can we know we are safe?” (6 mins)

TOOLS FOR LIFE #4

HOW TO LIVE AN AUTHENTIC LIFE

Living authentically isn’t complicated…but it’s not easy. It’s a practice – day in, day out; moment to moment – and requires ongoing self-awareness and considered action. It requires humility, presence, passion and belief in the goodness and wonder which brings us together…and can be cultivated in 3 qualities or approaches to life:

  • Operate from the heart

  • Treat everyone how you would like to be treated

  • Give no more than you would give yourself

Each of these qualities brings greater awareness and savouring of life, and in their conjunction and blending, they spark the quality of authenticity which endears us to the promise of life. All 3 require conscious participation and all 3 spark increased creativity, but it is perhaps the third which we can find hardest to integrate – because it calls on us to raise our levels of self-awareness, self-compassion, self-expression, self-love (I could go on…) to align to balance and neutrality. In ensuring we are included within all our choices, we are able to give more to others whilst retaining our centre of gravity. There is never any loss or compromise, and therefore endless -and lightly held - enthusiasm. “No” becomes as easy as “yes”, and neither become obstacles, as we come into alignment with a vision which includes the authenticity of others alongside our own. We see others through the eyes of our heart.

As incentive to adopt the practice of living more authentically and from the heart, I share a sentence which was given to me when channelling my guides. Its uncomplicated and raw honesty blew me away: “You will not hear someone who is living their truth ever talk of lack of time.”

Now that’s an aspiration of note, isn’t it?

TOOLS FOR LIFE #3

BANISH THE SHOULDS TO CREATE SELF-TRUST!

 

Dropping the word ‘should’ from our vocabulary is life-changing.

Notice each time you think or say ‘should’ and take a moment to re-phrase the sentence to what you would like to do (to what is pertinent and true right now) or let the thought go completely. Do you, or don’t you wish to action the should? If you do, own it, and if you don’t, let it go. Not knowing, as in ‘I don’t know right now’ is also much more constructive and grounding than carrying an energy of should forward. And if you would like to expand it even further, a powerful question to ask ourselves is: “What would I - or what would my heart - love to do right now?”

If we are using ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ in relation to someone else, recognise the inclusion of judgement on our part. And if we are using ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ against ourselves (never a great strategy for building self-trust!) it highlights we are trying to do something we don’t, on some level, wish to do…and of course, the psyche will not be able to trust in such circumstance.

‘Beneath’ a judgement will be a belief creating the judgmental thought. In identifying the belief, we can delve even deeper to highlight the personal truth, because under every judgement or behaviour lies a positive intention. It may take a little delving (for the ego-mind will try to intercept) but when we identify the positive intention, we get clarity. 

The deepest ‘should’ can be around love, in particular loving others (and hence ourselves)…a life spent trying to love as we ‘should’ as opposed to how we do. Be open to re-evaluating how you love; it opens new possibilities in relation to trust.

TOOLS FOR LIFE #2

The Grateful Approach

Gratitude, as well as being a wonderful energy to be in, is highly grounding. It is also the place of healing and ascension as it evokes the state of neutrality. Because gratitude contains no lack or absence, and no forward movement, it brings us into balance. It is a natural pause into the present moment, a portal into peace.

Spend time each day within the energy of gratitude. Find ways to see everything you do through this lens. Gratitude cannot be faked, so better to find the smallest thing to be grateful for rather than ‘try’ to be positive. The former is a +1, taking us directly to the state of neutrality, the latter: an observation from lack requiring effort.

A wonderful practice is to note, each night, something you are grateful for. I often suggest my clients do this practice through recalling their ‘special moment’. It is a simple practice with a multitude of benefits. “I wonder what my special moment will be today?” opens our awareness as we go about our day. As we look for things, people or experiences we can be grateful for, we actively change our outlook and raise our vibration, flooding our body with beneficial hormones in the process. When it comes to recording our favourite moment, we re-experience the sensations, layering the benefits (it is important to jot it down by hand, even if just a couple of words – apparently it ‘moves’ the awareness in the brain). Often we find we have many moments to choose from, and the moments which gave the most pleasure can be surprising. As a practice, it creates awareness of what we actually find meaningful, allowing space for the subconscious to rise and emotions to pass. We experience greater flow and alignment between our inner and outer worlds, resulting in a tangible sense of belonging and grounded connection.

Allow gratitude to be the guide to what you enjoy.

GROUNDING - stage 1

A daily practice, is to ground. It is essential to our experience as a physical human being. It keeps us sane, connected and true to the life we are having. And despite seeming counter-intuitive, it speeds up the process of growth.

Usefully, grounding as a practice supports acceptance, detached awareness and trust. Through the process of connecting to the earth we instil a sense of safety and release. We move out of flight or fight. Our subtle energy bodies re-align to the earth’s magnetic field and we fill with charged particles. It harmonizes our physical body and brings a sense of peace and quiet strength.

Of course we experience this in many ways: walking, exercise, cooking, gardening, cleaning or time in nature might be the way we decompress and return to balance; but by adding a daily practice of conscious awareness to our body – experiencing grounding from the inside-out – we change our relationship with reality.


Begin your daily practice of grounding by spending 3-5 minutes each day feeling the soles of your feet on the Earth (you don’t need to be physically on the ground itself, it works on the 6th floor of an apartment too, even in an airplane…and can be done sitting too). Allow your attention to drop into your body and use your mind’s eye to feel your feet (and base, if you are sitting) sinking into the ground, with your energetic roots going deep into the core of the Earth. See your connection to this deep earthly centre. Turn your left palm to face the ground. Feel the nourishing energy coming up through your palm and feet and filling your body and aura. Breathe this in, and allow your body to recalibrate by releasing what it no longer needs and soaking up what it does.


The true benefits from this practice come from layering the daily application and inner-connection. Of course you may spend longer than 3-5 minutes, but most important is to do it little and often and to be the most present you can be during the process. Even 1 minute every day has benefit.

NB. During times of shock, heightened emotions, during medication, post operation or medical procedure including dentistry, when travelling, lacking sleep, during any time of deep or powerful transition or when making important decisions, grounding becomes even more important. Practice it as often as needed.

TOOLS FOR LIFE #1

A TOOL TO REFLECT ON WHAT BRINGS FULFILLMENT

This tool has been channelled, for me to share with you. It’s a moment of reflection, to grasp underlying thoughts and emotions which can help guide us forwards. The main purpose of my guide’s messages and work is to help us access, listen to, and trust our inner instinct and truth (for all ‘external’ guidance is only to trigger this inner resonance and personal truth). This is a small tool to help with this. Used as a daily practice, it will shape your life.

Step 1 – Rely on yourself only for guidance and reflection. Keep all thoughts in relation to others – no matter the circumstance – out of the next 5-10 minutes (this is not as easy as it sounds).

Step 2 – Take a blank sheet of paper (loose and unlined is preferable) to highlight the preciousness and individuality of the presenting day. This sheet of paper represents your day.

Step 3 – Date and time it. Notice how you feel in response to this simple act of presence. Listen to what your body wishes to say in response to this. You are now opening the channels to yourself at a deeper level. Notice what the head says, but talk and listen to your heart, soul and body. It’s a rich and fertile ground. (It is vital to actually write down – a couple of words or images will do – and not just ‘think’ the answers).

Step 4 – Ask the paper what ‘it’ wants for you today. Not what you should/must/have to do (this is not a to-do list) but what ‘it’ wants. Capture on paper the essence of this…preferably just 1 thing. Write the first answer which comes up for you even if it doesn’t make sense – this is the point of the practice. Breathe this into all the cells in your body.

Step 5 – Ask yourself what or how ‘you’ would like to do/feel/be today? Keep the words simple. Less is much more with this tool. Release any judgement or critiquing or ‘how to’. Just allow it to be upon the paper.

Step 6 – Note anything else which comes up and then let it all go. Put the paper to one side – until bedtime – and then you may either place it away out of sight or destroy it if you wish. Draw on gratitude as you do so.

Tomorrow, a new day.

This simple tool is powerful in many ways. If practiced daily, at the start of your day, (even if we don’t feel we need it or are ‘too busy’) it creates powerful new connections in the external world. Most importantly, it cultivates a deeper listening to ourselves – the most underrated ability we have. As this consistently improves – and is honoured by presenting to oneself each day – the body and psyche begins to trust in itself. You become able to trust you, because you are listening to you – regularly and with openness.

The key to this tool, is to hold it very lightly and enjoy it – to note what arises and then let it go. In this act alone, the work is done.